Fictional Final

By: Danny Huber

At a ground breaking press conference at Sparta High School January 21, 2011 Dr. Jon Jones, in association with the U.S. Department of Education, announced a radical new educational policy effective February 1, 2011.

“ACT scores at Sparta High School have been stagnant for the past three years,” said Jones. In response to low test scores relative to the rest of the nation, the U.S.D.E. has targeted schools with low test scores in six states across the nation.

“Effective February 1 all administration and faculty currently employed at Sparta High School will be suspended with pay until their contracts are up. At that time their contracts will not be renewed with Sparta High School,” said Jones. The faculty is to be replaced by certified teachers that the U.S.D.E. will assign to Sparta.

A new school day and year length will be implemented at the high school as well. “School days will last from 7:45 a.m. until 5:00 p.m. The school year will be extended to July 1 and could potentially begin July 11 next year,” said Jones.

To ensure that students are complying with the change in the amount of time spent at school, five liaison officers will be employed by the government with the sole purpose of making sure kids are at school. “We do not intend to impart any tax increases to local tax payers to fund this change in policy. The faculty, administration and officers will be funded by the U.S. government,” said Jones.

The length of the school year will be determined by the increase in academics, particularly targeting math, reading and science. “Math, reading and science subjects are all going to be expanded and students may be forced to drop other elective classes to make room for these subjects,” said Jones.

All students are required to take a unit exam in math, reading and science, similar to final exams now. However, each grade will take a different level of test. Students may elect to take other classes, but will be responsible for the information on the unit exam. “The unit exams are not to replace finals but will measure the amount of progress in the target subjects per grade level,” said Jones.

All co-curricular activities and work permits have been suspended until test scores increase. Test scores are hoped to be increased by at least 25 percent by all students in every grade level. “Co-curricular activities may be reinstated upon increases in academics and review of the new administration,” said Jones.

These changes may be deemed radical by many, but the U.S.D.E. maintains that our children and their education is our future. We should do everything in our power to ensure that it is the best education we can provide for them.